How Much Junk Costs

Congratulations on your new baby! Here is your bankruptcy application...

You HAVE to have clothes that fit. Pants with non-breathing stretchy bands. Work/Church/Public-Other-Than-Walmart appropriate shirts. New unmentionables that are... bigger. If it's your first pregnancy, you'll need new shoes for your new feet. If you plan to go anywhere OTHER than Walmart during the entirety of your 10-month pregnancy, sweatpants and Backstreet Boys t-shirts are just not going to cut it. Or so I've been told. So you head to the one, MAYBE two establishments in a 30-mile radius that sells maternity clothing. You're excited. You can't wait to LOOK pregnant. Who doesn't love shopping for new clothes? How fun to have a whole section of your closet that you can only wear during this magical time in your life. You feel like you're stepping into an exclusive, members-only club, where ladies proudly jut their bumps out and proclaim that they are round and FABULOUS. For once, you don't have to worry about sucking in. You grab a few pair of jeans, some dress pants, a dress or two, and 90 shirts. Casual, work, date... you need the same options you'd have if there weren't a bun in your oven. Mmm... buns.... Anyway, you rush to the dressing room and excitedly strap on the fake bump, take a cell phone picture of what to expect in the next few months, and admire your profile in the new clothes. Sure, they're insanely low-cut, but everyone by now knows that being a prude didn't get you into this new store, so you shrug it off. You'll just buy a few tank tops to go underneath, right? Which reminds the sales lady to measure you for an over the shoulder boulder holder. You walk up to the cash register, almost unwilling to set your choices down for the briefest of seconds because you're just THAT excited about them. You smile knowingly at the other ladies in the store, look around, guess at how far along they are. And then the saleslady brings you back to reality with the total: Your purchase of one pair of jeans, one pair of slacks, and two tops totals out to $398.52. WHA?!

Why the heck do maternity clothes cost so much?! Because we HAVE to buy them.
You've been so proud of yourself for saving. After all, cribs, carseats, strollers, dressers, diapers, bouncers, Bumbos, CLOTHES, blankets, bedding, bibs, lotion, tubs, shoes, socks, mittens, burp cloths, hats, wipes, more clothes, monitors, decor, baby carriers, COPAYS, high chairs, pumps, bottles, pacifiers, nursing covers, and Boppys aren't free. And let's not forget those random cravings for things that you just don't have at home, and baby CANNOT live without.

So once you've blown your savings trying not to be naked, you get to mortgage your house (since you JUST bought a bigger car to accommodate your growing family) in order to pay for all of the afore-mentioned necessities. Thanks, child-bearing industry. The bills are the best birth control out there!

And just to add insult to injury, what do you get in EVERY new mommy package you receive ANYWHERE? Information on a college savings plan. Ouch.