So here's the deal: registries are just suggestions. There's no rule that says you HAVE to purchase a gift from a gift registry. Heck, there's no rule that says you have to purchase a gift. Babies are expensive, yes, and mommies can use all the help they can get, yes. But when it comes down to it, they're our responsibility to take care of and provide for.
Plenty of good gifts can be purchased that aren't on a registry. Clothing is a DEFINITE plus. Gift cards. Diapers. Restaurant and Pizza Hut gift cards for once you're home from the hospital and don't want to cook. Personalized and handmade gifts. The list goes on. No one SHOULD fault anyone for taking their precious time and money to purchase a gift NOT on a registry.
UNLESS...
The gift-giver is not a parent and does not purchase one of the above-mentioned awesome non-registry gifts. You know what I'm talking about. I was at a baby shower recently where the mommy-to-be was given a lot of really great and adorable gifts. I always like to put together a "Practical Basket", filled with diapers, wipes, Tylenol, baby wash, lotion, creams, bottle pieces... things that you KNOW will get used regardless of the size of the baby. She also received a video monitor, TONS of adorable clothes, shoes, socks, towels, gift cards... it was a good haul. Then her cousin, a woman who has hardly even held a baby before, let alone had one of her own, handed her a gift. "I know it wasn't on your registry, but..." My poor friend. You know how you always wonder how the American Idol judges hold their facial expressions during the goofy, just-for-ratings auditions? My friend had the same, stoic expression. The cousin went on and on about the supposed benefits of this gift, how it made all other gifts obsolete. My poor friend - and every other mother present - just remained silent. What is there to say?
There's an entire section at Babies R Us that I call the "First Time Mom" section. It's near the strollers and carseats. It contains all of the "nifty" and "neato" contraptions that, if they live up to their claims, make a parent's life a million times easier. Things that practically raise the child themselves. Bells and whistles abound. Pockets and zippers and compartments shaped for just ONE possible item. Straps. Velcro. Vinyl. Mesh. Once I was in that section with my husband and said, loudly, because that's my only volume, that it was the "We're first time parents so we don't know better" section. Then I watched a poor (but now otherwise educated) pregnant woman waddle quickly away with her registry scanning gun. You're welcome, ma'am. Well, this gift came from that section.
It happened to me a few years ago. A friend, who shall remain nameless, bought us TWO gifts, which shall remain unidentified. They were of the same novelty variety. Again, I was grateful that my friend took the time and money to think of us. But when you, a non-parent, hand over a gift with the sentence "I saw it wasn't on your registry, and thought you needed it," then your gift is almost guaranteed to be silly. It just seems awfully presumptuous of someone without children to assume they know better than a registry, doesn't it? Maybe that giant bouncer you got doesn't fit into the home. Maybe that PeePee TeePee is a money-maker that is just a glorified wipe-over-the-hose. Maybe we already had what you thought we needed. Maybe that gift you got is just useless.
Again, please don't read this as ungrateful. But if you don't have kids, please don't assume that you're smarter than the parents you're buying for. Unless they registered for that gadget that can "interpret" a baby's cries and tell you what it wants. Then buy them dog food, because they'd be better off. Like I said, plenty of great gifts can be given that aren't on the registry. It really IS the thought that counts. But if you're not a parent, and someone has taken the time to narrow down the vast ocean of baby gift possibilities for you, take their suggestions. It keeps you from wasting your money on self-cleaning bibs and automatic baby feeders.
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