When Something's Wrong.

Even before we begin thinking about conception, most mommies-to-be start worrying. Myself and a good friend both had the immeasurable joy of being pregnant while taking a college course on human development, which of course is basically a list of things that can go wrong. Pregnant women constantly have things in the back of their mind - How much caffeine have I had? Which side did I sleep on? How hot is my bath water? Did that dream that I delivered a goldfish baby MEAN anything? (True story.) We worry about disorders, imbalances, too much, too little, and the awful M-word. Not being able to SEE the baby is terrifying sometimes. Did you do your kick counts today? Did that dessert contain aspartame? Does he have a tail?

Most of the time everything is fine. But sometimes it's not. AFP tests, sonograms, and trips to the ER sometimes come back with heartbreaking results. This is hard enough. We've all had friends who have been through this, some of us ourselves have experienced it. It's HARD. There's absolutely nothing anyone can say, right? Then why do people TRY?!

Almost two years ago, we lost a baby. It was hard. We put our faith in God and His perfect will, regardless of how ugly or difficult it might be. We made it through. We, like most parents who experience loss, never expected it. You know what else we didn't expect? The dumb things people say. "That's okay, you weren't that far along anyway." "Let's hope that one wasn't a girl!" "You must not have prayed hard enough." "At least you know you can get pregnant." "Let me tell you about MY miscarriage..." None of that was helpful. I'm sure you're reading this and either have your mouth agape at the insensitivity of people, or are recalling the dumb stuff someone said to you. I've had friends go through heart-wrenching experiences with genetics and choromosomes and the absolute inability to carry a child. It's all hard. And you know what works? Hugs and prayers. Not advice. Not jokes. Not stories about what you went through. Hugs and prayers. Have a friend going through something? Hug her and pray for her. Going through something? Accept those hugs and prayers. God is in control. He's not always visible, He's not always vocal, but He's never taken by surprise, and He has a perfect will that is at work. Hugs.